The past few months have been crazy, personally and professionally. The heat is still on at work – I’ve been working most weekends and trying to get fieldwork done before the monsoon hits and the roads and crossings close (and thank goodness the first rains hit today because it’s not only the heat that’s building, it’s the humidity too. I’m not joking when I say it’s crazy season!). I actually had a pretty bad accident in a work vehicle a few weeks ago, over a 1000 km from home and 150 km from the nearest community (and police station)…plus my satellite phone was only intermittently picking up signal so I didn’t get to call any help for about an hour, and then waited another hour and a half in the bush for the help to arrive. I was in so much shock and running high on adrenaline, I sat on the the esky (which had smashed through the back window of the car) trying to figure out if I could winch the vehicle upright and continue on my trip (i.e. winch the vehicle by strapping it to the surrounding trees…which were everywhere and which I miraculously missed). Thank goodness I’m a ditzy city girl: I would have messed up the crime scene, and probably copped a major fine.
I didn’t get a single bruise or scratch, not even whiplash from the seatbelt. That’s pretty bloody lucky. I feel like this roll-over should be a profound moment in my life. That’s kinda why I’m blogging about it. Surely writing about something cements it, makes it more profound, gives it more meaning in my life? I dunno…I guess I’ll wait and see how I feel after finishing this… 😉
But even after this near-death experience (the vehicle did roll at high speed, narrowly missed all those trees, and landed on my/the drivers’ side), I’m not overflowing with an new-found zeal for life, or love for my loved ones, or an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for being alive. I do keep repeating to everybody, “I’m so lucky”. I know that, I think that, but why don’t I feel it? This thing feels big, but not big enough to change my behaviour or my perspective, which is kind of what I want to change. Unfortunately and admittedly, I’m reverting to my bad-natured tantrums more often than not now. If my voice had ever materialised into flames that first week after the crash, I would have razed down our entire apartment complex in a matter of minutes. I went to the gym, I went to yoga, I went and paid for a full body massage. And yet 5 minutes later I was screaming my head off about something. Am I a brat for not appreciating how lucky I actually I am?
Oh well. I guess I was never going to change my behaviour simply by writing off a car….
I haven’t had time to blog lately but I also haven’t had the motivation. (Though rest assured I’m still stalking everyone else). I’ve set out with a topic in mind for every other post written on this blog. Today I’m just writing…the aim of this is to account in some way for my absence (even if only to myself). This weekend has been the first in ages when I’ve actually had time, and I felt like drawing and reading novels instead (i.e. instead of writing a profound post, with all my newly acquired life-changing perspective and wisdom). Until things quieten down a bit in a few months, or until I get struck up the spine with the rod of cosmic inspiration (but don’t be scared, that’s unlikely to happen :)), I’m planning to stick to commenting on other people’s posts.
That’s what I wrote when I first started blogging…and guess what? I immediately wrote two posts in two days. I guess the more you write, the more you have to write about.